Would you / have you been a carer for your parents?

It would depend on the circumstances at the time. Do I have the ability to deal with their needs? Can I afford to look after them instead of working? How much would a care home cost? How much strain on our relationship would it be in either situation? I can't answer until face with that circumstance.

by Bryony Harrison

This is no easy feat. I have a lot of respect for people who choose to take care of their parents either part-time or full-time.Without sounding cold, it takes a lot of sacrifice. For that reason, I also completely understand the decision to have a relative committed to a nursing home. Sometimes there really is no other option, especially if the parent or relative is no longer able to walk by themselves as this takes doing everyday tasks we often take for granted to a whole new level.

by Vee

That is a really difficult question!
It did not happen so I cannot honestly say what I would have done.

However I lived in a different state on the other side of Australia to my parents so I guess I would have to say I would not have been a carer.

Also I do not know if I could have done this despite loving my parents dearly and being very close to them.

by Finy

My mother lived on her own, after my father died in '77. When she couldn't manage anymore with her dementia, at about 90 years of age, 1 of my sisters took her to live with her & her husband, after having their house renovated to suit her. She's seems to be very happy there. She's 96 now, & I can't see her being moved into a nursing home any time soon! We couldn't have her live with us, because all of the mess in the house, the 13 uneven stone steps without a handrail, going up to the house. Very unpractical.

by Miro

I have worked in this field so I am aware of all the demands involved with looking after the elderly. I would have to say firstly that it depends on the circumstances. It really is a case by case situation. What is wrong with the person ? Why do they need extra help? I would love to look after my parents, but we have some stairs inside the house, making it impossible for them to get from their room to the living room without someone picking them up and carrying them, which I would not recommend. My husband put his parents into a home and it was the best decision all round for him and his brother. They knew they were getting the best care available, so it provided a lot of peace of mind for all concerned. The reality of having to quit your job to care for them. How would you survive financially? It is very hard seeing your parents in this decrepit state, so in our case, having some space from them was needed for our peace of mind. Caring for them 24/7 would be a big ask. You can still visit every day if you like if they are in a home. I don't think I would like to be the one doing personal care to my own mother or father . Our next door neighbour took on 24 hour care of her father, and she couldn't cope after about 6 months of trying. She is not young herself. There were towels and bedsheets on the clothesline all the time because he was incontinent. She had to help him on and off the toilet and in and out of bed. She probably had to get up every 2 hours and move him in the bed. It is back breaking work for most, and most people couldn't cope with it. To be able to care for them 24/7 you need adequate rest. I would hear him calling out for her to help him off the toilet in the middle of the night, if I was going to the toilet myself. On top of that, you have to make nutritious meals and possibly feed them. Not to mention entertain them. Homes have excellent entertainment programs, and in most cases, there is something to do all throughout the day. They have more resources, and really do a greater job than I could ever do at the all round care of your loved one. At the moment, I don't have to make that decision for my parents.

by Lluxi

I have worked in this field so I am aware of all the demands involved with looking after the elderly. I would have to say firstly that it depends on the circumstances. It really is a case by case situation. What is wrong with the person ? Why do they need extra help? I would love to look after my parents, but we have some stairs inside the house, making it impossible for them to get from their room to the living room without someone picking them up and carrying them, which I would not recommend. My husband put his parents into a home and it was the best decision all round for him and his brother. They knew they were getting the best care available, so it provided a lot of peace of mind for all concerned. The reality of having to quit your job to care for them. How would you survive financially? It is very hard seeing your parents in this decrepit state, so in our case, having some space from them was needed for our peace of mind. Caring for them 24/7 would be a big ask. You can still visit every day if you like if they are in a home. I don't think I would like to be the one doing personal care to my own mother or father . Our next door neighbour took on 24 hour care of her father, and she couldn't cope after about 6 months of trying. She is not young herself. There were towels and bedsheets on the clothesline all the time because he was incontinent. She had to help him on and off the toilet and in and out of bed. She probably had to get up every 2 hours and move him in the bed. It is back breaking work for most, and most people couldn't cope with it. To be able to care for them 24/7 you need adequate rest. I would hear him calling out for her to help him off the toilet in the middle of the night, if I was going to the toilet myself. On top of that, you have to make nutritious meals and possibly feed them. Not to mention entertain them. Homes have excellent entertainment programs, and in most cases, there is something to do all throughout the day. They have more resources, and really do a greater job than I could ever do at the all round care of your loved one. At the moment, I don't have to make that decision for my parents.

by Lluxi

I offered to have mum live with us but she wouldn't have it. "You have your lives to live and I've lived mine, so thanks for the offer, but no." She elected to buy into a retirement village with nursing home on site where she eventually ended up. The care was fantastic and we visited her almost daily. She appointed me her guardian with an Enduring Power of Attorney so I was able to pay any incidentals she wanted and her medical bills and used to tell everyone to speak to "her carer" if any information was required. She used to marvel at my ability to pay her accounts on line as I explained it was much easier for me to use this method rather than to pay in person.

by helga

Yes I would like to look after my parents
I don't think its a good thing o take them to old age homes

by nnkam