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What would you do if you discovered your partner accessing inappropriate websites?

by Carolyn Hopping (follow)
Technology (193)      Internet (56)      Communication (25)      Computers (23)      Online Ethics (1)     

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Photo: Georgy90, Wikimedia Commons

While the internet enables us to access a whole world of wonderful and exciting information at the touch of our fingertips, it also provides the opportunity for people, children as well as adults, to access websites that are degrading and demeaning to others.

How would you react if you caught your partner accessing inappropriate content on the internet? Would you confront them or simply ignore it? How would you breach the subject?

#Online Ethics
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Top Answers
This awful problem is bigger than people think, and with people looking from all walks of life.
It is important to know 'why' people do it, esp if it is your husband or partner.

Best done very quietly,because that partner is going to be found out.
Yes! they should be found out, never let it go.

That can cause more unhappiness later for him or her.Help needs to be found.
Once you have ''understandingly '' and that's the key, confronted that person,then you must try and get them to a counsellor..

Reason being,this type of behaviour leads to other things, it can and will take over their lives.
The more they see, the more they want.
It is an addiction, and is put in their lives, due to many things.

If you can not get your partner to seek help, you must for yourself.Go see your local G.P. they sometimes can find help, and I think the first 6 visits are free, at times.
Not to take action, would be a big mistake.But! you must do it with the greatest of care.

But! I want to say this:

'If' you have evidence that it is 'more' serious, like
looking at children, then you MUST ....and I mean MUST tell someone in authority.You have No choice.It is your duty, as a decent human being.

You need to know 100% it is correct,so you may need to make sure on another day.
At this point you do NOT talk to your partner,until you know for sure.

That kind of 'looking' on the Internet is a crime, and you must have all your fact's, and if it is true, you will also need someone to help you.
It is best to have someone else be able to also see what it is you are looking at.If at all possible.

I'm saying all this, because I work with people who have these issues.
Please use a great deal of care, and Keep a COOL Head! that is so important.

I am hoping, it is looking at Adults, but even then it needs attention, and quickly.
P.S. Do not believe 'everyone does it'! that is totally untrue.There is a lot you can do and must.
Porn can definitely destroy a marriage on so many levels. I was married to a porn addict and it was horrible. I was never sexy enough. I just could not compete with the growing level of visual stimulation my husband needed. I was in my mid thirties at the time and only had sex a few minutes a year when I begged him. It was horrible. The funny thing is that I am very attractive and he was about 300 lbs.

I divorced him and am getting remarried to a man who is wonderful and can't keep his hands off me.
by Polly
Thank goodness Polly life is changing for you! :)
by jonaja
Talk about it. We're both adults. We can each make our own decisions and we can have a mature discussion about things like that.
I would confront my partner and I imagine he would do the same with me. Being in a committed relationship means being able to trust your partner, so communication is key.
by Vee
Hmm this is a tough one - if it's a porn website, there's not much that you can do about it. The sad reality of that is that everyone does it - whether you like it or not - one of those typical human instincts!

But I would still bring it up - casually and in a delicate manner - so as not to sound accusatory - but still make a point of it and if it bothers me, I'd tell them that I don't appreciate it. This, however, may not change things drastically.

Tough question, but good one!
Xarah, I have to completely disagree with you on the porn.

'Hmm this is a tough one - if it's a porn website, there's not much that you can do about it. The sad reality of that is that everyone does it - whether you like it or not - one of those typical human instincts!'

If it's a porn website, there is a lot that you can do about it. Not everyone watches pornography, and it is not a typical human instinct to watch other people have 'sex' - if that's what you can call what they do in those films. What however, is natural human instinct is to love and be loved.

Pornography is unhealthy - both watching it and making it is potentially damaging. Many people do not understand what viewing pornography does to our grey matter, not to mention our attitudes towards others, our memories, our values and our relationships.

I have heard many personal accounts of how pornography has ruined the way people view themselves and their relationships. I have also been a part of a pornography addiction recovery program. It's heavy stuff and should never be taken lightly.
by Vee
Bravo! Vee
by jonaja
I agree with Vee. I was married to a porn addict. See my answer below.
by Polly
Depends on the content. If it is a porn site...you know there are adult shops they can visit. If it is something worse than that....yeah will definitely pull them up on it asking more detail.
What could be worse than pornography?
by Vee
by jonaja
Definitely talk it. Wonder if it would make a difference. Hard to change people at this age.
Definitely talk it. Wonder if it would make a difference. Hard to change people at this age.
I think the simple answer would be that she/he would think that I've lost my marbles. It would also mean utter disappointment,shock,disgust,pity & so on.but then it's a different matter if both watch it together for fun,laugh etc. In the end it boils down to the stock you're made of,your family background & your IQ.
I would certainly have a very long talk.
IF . . . and I mean IF you are sure it is something diabolically bad . . . bad enough for you to want to change the locks and banish him/her from your life and take multiple showers . . unplug the processor and take it to the Police. Quite often what you can see is only the tip of the iceberg. That said: you must talk about it so that you don't end up with that scenario. Your children may need to be protected. There are so many angles to look at and head in the sand is not one.
by Rice
I found out my husband was on Ashley-Madison about eight years ago and divorced him.
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