Home    Subscribe    Write for Us    FAQ    Contact    HubGarden    Login

Should women change their last names when they get married?

by SupahAnnie (follow)
Hi, I'm a friendly Stay at home Mum with a background in childcare. I love writing, reading and talking! Please view more of my articles through these links: http:/ www.weekendnotes.com.au/profile/300618/ www.mothersgroupmagazine.com, supahannieblog.wordpress.com/ https:/ www.facebook.com/annie.krempin convozine.com/supahannie/ Jenneke.com.au
Relationships (205)      Love (84)      Marriage (63)      Romance (45)     

Romance, marriage, wedding, love, names, changing names, traditional

Lovely proposal, happy engagement, stressful wedding day preparations, choosing the dresses, the rings, the cake, the venue it goes on and on and on.

It's a dream come true but what do you think about taking the grooms last name once you walk up that aisle?

Did you/ would you change your last name? Why or why not? If you would or did what happens when you have kids, which last name will they have?

Should women do it because its tradition or do you consider it too old school?

Please go to the comments below (not the chapel) and let us know what your thoughts on this are?

I like this Question - 50
Ask and answer questions for a share of ad revenue - click here
[ Submit an Answer ]
Top Answers
I don't see why women should have to change their names when they get married when men don't have to. It harkens back to the idea of us becoming the property of their husbands when they marry.

I am married but still use my maiden name. Feminist ideals aside, changing your name as an adult is a colossal pain in the backside. Back in the day women didn't own property, have bank accounts etc so it would have been far simpler to arrange. I would have had to change my signature as well as change my name with the bank, on my id etc. and frankly I have better things to do.

In the end it's mostly just the fact that it's MY name. I'm used to it and I wanted to keep it. It's part of my identity and I didn't become a whole new person just because I agreed to spend my life with someone else. Our children have both our names.
I did, to me that is just part and parcel of getting married. It's very traditional and respectful to your husband and your in laws. I also want to have the same last name as our children.

It is a hassle changing your name but I think it's the best way to express that you are becoming a family.
An interesting question, I can see the pro's and con's of both. I personally preferred to change to my married name, feeling it was completing the union of my marriage. I also preferred the idea of having the same surname as my future child/ren. Having said that, it is a long process changing one's name, so I understand why there shouldn't necessarily be an urgency to do it.
It is up to the woman. If the woman is famous through their work, they might keep their surname as their business surname, and then change to suit their personal circumstances. When hubby passed away, one changed her surname back. Some couples choose both surnames. For example, say you're an Adams, and your partners surname is a Smith, your new surname might be Adams-Smith, if it rings together. It all depends on your personal circumstances at the time.
I have always liked the idea of the family (parents and kids) having the same last name.

For me, the gender is unimportant. I am getting married next year, and will be taking my fiance's name. Not because he's the man, but because his name was more important to him than mine was to me.

I should note that before I agreed, I made him agree to change his name to mine if it became important to me (ie. got a book published, etc).

For me it's not a gender issue (or shouldn't be), it's about family and reciprocated respect.
A name is a person's identity therefore, changing a name is akin to changing one's identity. I am completely against changing name after marriage. Not to mention all the hassle one needs to go though in order to update their names in various registers and official records.

In today's era I find it difficult to understand why women sometimes happily take up their husband's name. Respect works both ways so if I take up the guy's name , it is only fair that he should take up my name.
I think it's really up to the individual to decide and there's no right or wrong. Personally, I didn't / will not change mine because firstly, it's my surname / family name which is my identity and I grew up with it. Secondly, there's so many complication with legal / paper work, etc. Nonetheless, in my culture and tradition, children will always follow the father's last name.
I don't think you should but I get that some people feel it's part of it. I'd been me a long time before I got married, so I can't imagine it (having another name). I don't get people that get all annoyed when you call them by their maiden name - you've known them for 15 years with one name then suddenly meant to remember they have a new name??
Only if she wants to change it to his surname.
Some men are trending to taking her surname nowadays!

BUT ..... it becomes very difficult when legal matters arise, especially over issues concerning children. Including passports and visas.
One needs to have copies of marriage certificate / birth certificates etc always handy to prove motherhood, parenthood, partnership etc. particularly if the partner has passed away. The law takes a long time to catch up with 'fashion'.
Great question. It all depends on the couple.

I personally want my partner to change her name to my surname when we get married, but understand if she wants to keep her own. It just gets difficult when we're thinking about kids - what name should they get? A hyphenated name? It'd be ideal if we all had the same of course.

I know it's hypocritical but I don't think I could ever change my surname to hers though.
A name is a person's identity therefore, changing a name is akin to changing one's identity. I am completely against changing name after marriage. Not to mention all the hassle one needs to go though in order to update their names in various registers and official records.

In today's era I find it difficult to understand why women sometimes happily take up their husband's name. Respect works both ways so if I take up the guy's name , it is only fair that he should take up my name.
I haven't changed my name after getting married. When I discussed this with my husband, he agreed with me that I didn't need to as there was no value in changing the name. I don't mind having my own name different than the rest of the family. I am still my husband's wife, my children's mother and my parent's daughter!
In this era, changing a name is a choice. However, it was not long ago that women were seen as objects and marrying to take on a male name gave them "rights". I was happy to let my name drop...after all it was long and taking on a shorter one made signing so much easier! ;)
I don't care an iota if other women choose to but me personally? Hell no!
Great question! It is such a personal choice that even answering the question can seem like a judgement. I changed my name- which was a lot of paperwork and hassle at the time. But I know of many of my friends and mother's at school who have not changed their names. I also know of others that did change their name, got divorced and are still using the married name.
I personally wouldn't want to because my name defines who I am. Plus it'll cause a lot of issues if you had to change everything (especially if you end up forgetting something too!).
by WSW
I did change my name when I got married, and now I have absolutely no idea why I would have done that. I feel like a totally different person to the one who made that decision. I understand the romance behind taking on your husband's name. What could be more romantic than your name reflecting that you are now a unit?

And yet the thought of it now makes me think of cattle, or a pile of money - something to be exchanged. Why on earth should the woman's very name be struck off the register?

I knew of a couple who both changed their names. They both became hyphenated double surnames. I love that idea :)
It's up to the individual based on their values. I didn't change mine for a number of reasons important to me and my husband was cool with that as he respects me and my wishes. Ultimately, it's like Shakespeare said, "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."
No, I personally wouldn't but everyone has their own choice and opinion. I think it's too much of a hassle. I like having my last name and it doesn't matter if it's not the same as my kids.
It is a personal choice: I did because I liked the change - the original name was ghastly. After 38 years of marriage I still do not and never have felt like I am part of my husband's "goods and chattels". I also find that some are known as "Ms/Mrs married family name": at home and by their first surnames at work for a variety of reasons eg security, professional reputation came with the name, to keep home and other activities separate to home.
by anne
I didn't change my name the first time I got married, however it was due to laziness rather than any moral standpoint. I have since divorced and it was easier not having to go through and change everything back. It will be a personal choice whether to make the change or not and there are many considerations to take into account before making that choice such as whether it is something that is important to you or your husband to be, whether you think that it is important in identifying the family unit (especially when you have children or are planning to) and whether your fiance/husbands name suits yours. I am getting married again next year and am looking forward to taking my fiance's name. Everyone will have a different view on this issue so their really can't be a one fits all answer.
I have ethnic maiden name.
Out of 40 job applications, I only received 8 interviews.
After changing to my married names 3 months later, I have about 15 interviews out of 25 applications.
So, I guess, it depends. Whatever suits us women...
I didn't and I will not. My husband or his family did not expect me to do so. I had made a name as a journalist in my country by the time I got married and it was out of the question for me to start having a new 'by line'. My other option was to add my husband's surname at the end of my maiden name. Though my name is rather long this seem to work for me. None of the females in my family, my mother, and my two sister in laws have not changed their names after marriage.
I think it's a personal choice. I was against it before, but when I met the right person, I wanted to have his name. I don't feel like becoming his property for this reason. I have enough space to be myself in our relationship. Well, I also switched countries after marriage. With the process of citizenship and all other bureaucratic procedures, it is much easier to have the same name as my husband.
My husband told me that I didn't have to take his name when we got married but I was young and in love and so I took his name. I regretted that decision ever since. It was a horrible last name that no-one could pronounce and I had to continually spell for people. I never felt like myself. And so about 6 months ago I legally changed my name back again to my maiden name. I am still VERY happily married, but now I just feel like the real me again.
I am not married but I am in a relationship and if my partner asked me to marry him I would definitely change my last name to suit his.
I think its respectful and it shows that you love them and accept them for who they are.
It's also my sons last name so I would feel more a part of the family.

I don't know. I did for bureaucratic reasons, although at a certain point in my life I thought I would like to keep my maiden name. Now I am happy I have the same name with my husband. Just in a symbolic way...
Y not,it takes nothing 4rom u
Except your name.
With every year, my surname becomes less important to me, but I love the fact that I, my wife, and my daughter all have the same name. Nowdays, I wouldn't have cared if I'd taken my wife's name. When I'm dead, I probably won't care what my surname was, but we have been a family unit identified by the one surname for over 21 years now, and while it was a small pain for a short time for my fiance to change her name at the age of 22, all three of us are glad we have the same name. Our families are still our family. Changing a name doesn't change your blood, and I think of my family members by their first names, not their last names, and it is their relationship with me that is important, not their name.
by kimp
I will never become Mrs Somebody-Else. Changing your last name is losing part of your identity. It is subservience to a man. The majority of men I've asked have laughed, when I asked if they would be willing to change their surname. Men have a sense of identity. All of this stuff about tradition...and better for the children. The fact that women are happy to go along with this so-called tradition saddens me. Then why doesn't he change his name?? Nope, he can be Mr de Largie, if he likes. But I aint changing nothing!
Wow, just wow, but not in a good way!
by donjo
Ohhh, such a sore subject for me, my daughter recently got married and I was a little saddened that she took her husbands name, thankfully she passed on the father walking down the aisle, and young girls are so trained these days, white wedding, tradition bla bla, and I scream inside every time I hear it. Can I please bring to every woman's attention where these "traditions" came from.

1) Father giving away the bride

The tradition of the father giving away his daughter has its roots in the days of arranged marriages. Daughters in those times were considered their father's property. It was the father's right to give his child to the groom, usually for a price.

2) Taking the grooms name

The property was then transferred to the new owner, "husband". whereby the bride takes the name of her new owner. The same as slaves, they were called after their owners, no difference at all.

3) bridal veil

The bride wore a veil to protect her from enchantment, she was especially vulnerable when ownership was being transferred from owner to owner, (father to husband) and the white veil kept evil spirits out. ALSO, as marriages traditionally were arranged the groom may not have met the bride before the ceremony, the veil made sure he could not walk away merely because he didnt like what he seen, (if you know wedding ceremonies you will know the veil is lifted after pronounced man and wife)

The list goes on and on and I bet 90% of women getting married are unaware of them. Girls are pressured every day to be perfect, bodies, hair, make-up etc to attract the right partner, so sad and getting worse instead of better, I would love to empower women, give them the tools to be strong independent people but most still want the big wedding etc, that we are brought up to dream of from birth. My partner knows if we do get married in the future, I will take his name as long as he takes mine,


by cbt
by donjo
Only if they want to. Sometimes its just too much paperwork !
by BK
Completely an individual choice. I changed mine.
They shouldn't have to, but I believe it could become confusing when deciding on which surname the children would take.
maybe give the children joint/both surname like smith -jones or lovey-cravesit or hoogives-atinkers
by fran.
no one 'should'...but that can if they want.
I don't think that they should have to, but then there is confusion when the children come along. Who's name do they take?
I certainly thinks so when they get married for the first time. It just gets a little complicated when you have been married twice and have 2 marriage surnames plus your maiden name for when you apply for passports as I have experienced. You can have your marriage surname and also keep your family name as well, a lot of women do that.
This is a hard one. My husband really wanted me to change my name so that we could have the same family name for when we had children. I was indifferent however I was daunted by the task of changing all my documents and then having to constantly produce my marriage/change of name certificate every time I had to hand in paperwork or identify myself. I would even have to produce such a certificate when I applied for jobs as my degree is in my maiden name. In the end I kept my maiden name and changed my name in social setting such as Facebook. So far this has worked well for us. My 3yo daughter seems to have no problem with it and I have told my husband if he really wants it changed I am happy to as long as he does all the paperwork!
by Jane
I had no problem with this when I got married 50 years ago.
Nowadays I think it is more of a personal choice for women.
I am in a serious relationship. I think when we get married I won't change my name, but my kids will have their fathers name.
to take your husbands name is to me a sign that you now belong to him and his family if thats what you want to tell the world then by all means but for me I have no respect for someone that does it.
No respect? That's taking peoples' choice a tad too far! To each her own, I suppose...............
by donjo
Quite happy to be traditional, besides it moved me from end, to beginning, of alphabet, which I've found to be quite liberating!
I think it's a beatiful thing to do. I did this because I wanted and it felt right for me. And our kids will have our family's name.
It is up to you whether you would like to change your name.Yes,I would,No I won't.Both.
Its upto the person Some see it as a form of togetherness while others feel it is imposing and loss of identity. It is highly subjective.
A man should change his!
I think men should change their names at marriage. Family names should travel down the female line as we know if a woman gives birth that she is the mother, the father however could be ambiguous.
I have been married twice and changed my name. My reason is that my birth name is unusual and on hearing it people immediately ask if I am related to 'my fathers name'. He was and abusive pedophile. I was happy to have a new benign surname. After my husband died it didn't seem fair to my new husband that I didn't take his name. He wouldn't have minded whatever I chose to do.
I think that is a personal choice, some women still like to have their maiden names when they marry, but I changed mine.
I think if you intend to have children, it is nice that your the same as your children.
I have a different surname to 2 of my children, as I remarried and to be honest, I feel sad when we give our names....Mine is different. People Do ask! and it has to be answered.

If I had never remarried, I still would have kept my married name, just for the connection to my sons....and also to stop questions.I would not feel distant as I do . This is my little issue, but it does affect me.
More Questions by SupahAnnie
view all questions by SupahAnnie
Articles by SupahAnnie on Other Hubs
Our breathing is completely essential to our survival, yet it's rare for us to even think about ...
The one thing that drives me crazy with the Internet and social media in general is that it has ...
Take your time to recover from a sadness
ID: 3773
Trending Questions
Health (523)
Life (383)
Parenting (216)
Beauty (142)
Food (698)
Travel (244)
Money (149)
Fitness (60)
Career (59)
Lifestyle (334)
Family (309)
Fun (277)
Children (252)
Home (187)
Shopping (184)
Personal (177)
Cooking (175)
Fashion (139)
Christmas (129)
Animals (118)
Wellbeing (113)
Kids (112)
Social (107)
Work (104)
Sleep (90)
Holiday (90)
Clothes (89)
Ethics (86)
Love (84)
Fruit (82)
Music (77)
Hobbies (76)
Body (69)
Healthy (64)
Silly (64)
Friends (64)
Advice (63)
Reading (63)
Hair (56)
Car (55)
Books (55)
School (54)
Nature (53)
Movies (53)
Women (53)
Medical (52)
Copyright 2012-2021 OatLabs ABN 18113479226. mobile version