Is it a good idea to discipline children with rewards or punishments?

Rather than punishment and reward, I prefer to look at it, and to teach it, as consequences. It's a great bigger picture lesson for children as well i.e. it doesn't just apply to them, for every action in the world - however small, there is a reaction or consequence. It can be taught from an early age and gives them a different perspective on their own behaviours and that of others.

by Clare Deville

Rewarding is more constructive than punishing a child.

by Justine Crowley

It's personal choice and what works for one family or one child might not work for another. I'm a fan of positive reinforcement as I'd rather amend poor behaviour by highlighting what behaviour I expect and then make a positive fuss when that behaviour is then observed. I feel that when kids are very young they are still learning the ropes, still learning what's right and wrong so too harsh a discipline can be a bit unfair. That said there are certain times when punishment is absolutely necessary. For me though this needs to be age appropriate and befitting for the crime.

by helenonthesofa

I remember reading somewhere that the best way to positively reinforce behaviour is to ignore bad behaviour and reward the good. I personally think that consistency and making the reward/punishment appropriate for the deed is more important.

by Carly

Personally I don't like the idea of using rewards and punishments to motivate kids because it sends them the message that whatever you were asking them to do must be unpleasant or you wouldn't need to bribe them to do it. Telling kids they can't have dessert unless they finish their peas reinforces the idea that peas are not tasty. Instead you could give them the option of eating peas when you are and not pressure them about it in the hope that by not privileging one food over another they will come to enjoy a variety of foods on their own. With things like chores around the house I would like them to participate in those as they get older simply because they are part of the household and these things need doing, not because I said they have to do them or bribed them to.

As for punishments, I really don't like the idea of spanking since you can't just hit anybody else (friends, coworkers, partners) who isn't doing what you want and I don't see why kids should be the exception. I don't much like time outs either because they seem to upset kids without really changing their behaviour.

Instead of threatening I try to offer my kids (well, my eldest, the toddler is too young to get it) choices and explain what the consequences of her choices will be, eg. "Throwing your toys like that is dangerous you could hurt someone. You can either play gently with them or we can go out for a walk."

That's the theory, but I still relatively new to this parenting gig so I will have to see how it actually pans out over time.

by Jennifer Muirhead

Yes I do it all the time with my autistic grandchild, and it works wonders!

by Finy