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If emotional needs are neglected, would you stay in a relationship?

by Finy (follow)
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emotional needs
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Would you stay in the relationship if your emotional needs were not being met?

If so, would you do anything about it, or would you just leave?

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Top Answers
I have stayed in two long term relationships when my needs were not being met however I don't think I would do so again.

It is not nice not being able to communicate on a deep level with your partner.
If you get ridiculed each time you try to talk about things like this, I would no longer stay.

I dont think it makes a difference if you are married or not as my last relationship was some 15 years!
by Finy
It's a complicated question - I think it depends purely on circumstance, how communicative both parties have been, and what (if anything) has been done about it. If you have channelled your thoughts and seen change (gradually or suddenly), then keep talking about your issues so that they can be kept at bay.
If you've communicated but not seen a change, try communicating again, and if it still doesn't work, then it's perhaps time to walk away from the situation altogether.
Depends on where you are married or not. If you're not married, there is no obligation to stay; if you're married, you might try to work things out first, or feel it is too complicated to leave.
A de facto relationship can come with just as much obligation as a marriage, especially if you have kids together, or own property together, or are sharing a lease. And if you've been together for a while there would be stuff you bought or were given in common (kitchen stuff, books, cds, furniture...)
I was thinking more of the legal side, when it comes to all the hassle with divorce, but yes you are right if there are children involved.
I would think it would be at least worth a try to talk it through first.
My first marriage went for 11 years, and non of my
emotional needs were ever met.Not even in the first year.
I left because it would never change, and I was totally empty inside.

jonaj, you sound like me in my second! I laugh now about the things that happened...
by Finy
Wish I could. :)
by jonaja
Communication is the key to make any relationship survive
I would not let this go on for too long now (have in the past)...I would try to have a talk about things with my partner at an opportune time, however I have always known when to leave....I would NEVER let things escalate again to any great level of misery or domestic abuse. Much harder to deal with when children are involved.....
by Fran
If that relationship included somewhere along the lines "in sickness & health, until death us do part". Then yes. What's the point of making a commitment if you don't stand by it? The exception would be if there was abuse or infidelity.
by kimp
I think also that we sometimes forget that a relationship is about two people, not just whether my own needs are being met. Likewise, I need to accept sometimes that the other person will not be able to meet my needs, because a) like me, they're not perfect and b) again, it's not "always about me".

In line with the vows I recited on my wedding day, I prefer to think of the commitment as just giving, then any "receiving" I get is a bonus and something to be pleased about - it means I'm disappointed less often (I guess this could also be viewed in terms of forgiving the other person for not being perfect?). Of course, I'm lucky because my wife has the same attitude. Hence we are generally always pretty happy with each other :-) Rather than being disappointed with each other when we don't meet each others' needs, we are just "neutral" toward the other. That way, when she does something nice (or "just" meets my needs), I feel great and want to do something in return. This is different to feeling you are owed something (eg. "they have an obligation to meet my needs - so if they do, I won't complain, but when they don't, I'll feel short changed").
by kimp
Definitely NOT!!! NO WAY!!!! Maybe this is why I have been blissfully(some would say Selfishly!) content to just live with my dogs who love me unconditionally!My divorce,like so many others,was so horrendous,that I just do not wish for,or require, 24/7 human company again
Not now no........
by Fran
I didn't. My first husband was emotionally bankrupt. I deserved better.. and I found it.
Definitely not,I would just leave.
If that relationship included "until death us do part" at some point, yes, but I wouldn't just let it sit - I'd work with my partner to fix it. The theory being that the other half values and is committed to the marriage vows in the same way as me (I doubt I would have married them if they didn't have they didn't have that same view). Seems to have worked so far.... My wife and I take the view that marriage is about giving, sometimes until it hurts, so as a general rule we're always happy because we expect nothing from each other but always get way more than that. We delight in making each other happy. Even when we don't feel like the other person deserves it, we do it with a grateful heart and generally the results far outweigh the the initial discomfort or grudge. Relationships don't succeed without compromise, and when we expect the other person to meet ALL of our needs, we will always be disappointed. I think a lot of couples don't consider this aspect of compatibility enough before making a lifelong commitment.The focus usually seems to be "are we sexually compatible", and "do we enjoy doing similar stuff together" but the rest often seems to be neglected until the problem actually occurs, which is when it all becomes too hard because there is often this expectation that "we entered into a contract and YOU'RE not fulfilling your part - meaning I'm not GETTING what I want from you".

In short - Smita is spot on - communication is the key. Find someone who has that same value and you should be able to work through life's problems together.
by kimp
I wouldn't....and I didn't.
I wouldn't....and I didn't.
I think before leaving a relationship, all avenues should explored, and the best way is communication. If that doesn't work perhaps it is best just to leave.
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