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How do you cope with kids leaving home?

by noshnosh (follow)
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Have you struggled with your teenage/ young adult children leaving home? How have you best coped with this massive shift?

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This is something I can talk about.

My Eldest is 39 and he just got up one day, said ''I'm off' !!!!!
I so was shocked, but he had always been very independant.
It comes as a great shock to a great deal of parents, but! truth be told for that child....it is a great 'freeing up''.

They are like birds, and they do fly the nest.
My 1st time was just so hard.I cried and cried there was never any indication he would just walk out the door, no leading up.

I would say if you are a single parent! get some counselling.
It can and certainly will help, and I think one can get 5-6 free ones....just ask your G.P.

Having someone to help you through it, and give some advice is wonderful.

My second son is 37.....and the very same thing happened.
Just said one day (3 yrs later) after the 1st son left....that he was ''off'' too...
They both then rented together...I was divorced 2 years, alone BUT I did have my 3rd son with me, and he was only 4 years old at the time.He gave me a great deal of pleasure and I kept busy.

Now my 3rd son is 24 this year, and I never remarried.... it is just he and I.

A few weeks ago, he said he was thinking of moving in with his friend.

It happenes.
It's part of life.

So I told him he Must give me 12 months notice.

Only because, he needs to be well planned, have a job...not studying as one need's to have a little cash behind him.

He would never get up and leave , and I want to make sure he will be fine.

So I will have time to adjust, and really we as parents only have them for a certain time.It is twice as hard on parents who are single too.

I know I must now start to have a well worked out plan, and half is already in my head, for when he takes that final step out of his home for good.

If one has a partner, then it is not as hard as coming home to an empty house.

We want the very best for our children, and in saying that we also must take steps to make sure we transit as best we can.

I recommend drawing up a plan, that in those hours you will be alone, what can you fill in that time.
Seek out maybe a group that have people there for this very reason.

Take up a part time job?

Volunteer for a cause that is very close to your heart.

Go back to school, and study a subject you really like.

Think of a way to even make things to sell, and make a little job for yourself.

Get involved with helping teachers as a reading aid?

There are wonderful things to do in this world, that you CAN make a difference!....and your child would want that from you.

Guilt should never ever play a part, in your child leaving home.

It is their right of passage into this world, and remember you did it once too!

It is very normal...exceptionally healthy....and right.

When a person starts to embrace that, they will transit better than they thought.

It is one of life's hardest moments for any parent, but with wisdom we can get through it.

I am struggling with it as my daughter has moved out. I would have been happier if she had married and moved out. I find it hard. To some extent it was my fault. My siblings and I did not do this to our parents. We married and left home. I wish it was the same with her. I am praying hard and hoping God hears my prayers soon and she settles down happily married - then I will have peace.
I had terrible trouble with my kids leaving home. I guess I feel abandoned after all I have done to care for them after 20 plus years. I really feel lost without them there every day. Then, because of work, they don't visit every day. They have their own lives and I feel that it is a slap in the face. I suppose there is some guilt that I must have done something to make them leave, but this is not true. I have one daughter at home still and we are very close, so it will be hard when she goes. She spends a couple of nights at the boyfriends place each week. On the other hand, my husband and I are having a new life together. We are doing things together as a couple like we used to, 20 something years ago, and we are having a great time in each others company. I think that is the key. You must learn to explore your new life together as a couple because its only going to be the two of you throughout the rest of your life now. If you and your partner don't get along as well as you once did, it will be harder for you to cope when your relationship with the kids changes. You will have no one. Some husbands and wives become more like companions at this stage of life, or they may find they have nothing in common at all. You must work on your marriage as this will be your main relationship from now on. If that is not as good as it could be, work on it or leave. We went on a holiday alone recently. It was the first time since we had the kids that we were truly alone every minute of every day. We had a wonderful time and we love sharing things, experiences, exploring, and filling every day with memories we make together as a couple. It was just like we were when we were newly married, before the kids. We are still very much in love. If you don't have that closeness with your partner when the kids move out, you will really struggle. You may not have the kids there every day, but you have each other, for the rest of your lives. Be there to support each other during this phase of life.
Mine are too young for this to be an issue anytime soon.
by Gia
Very well!
by Finy
Well written, jonaj!
by Miro
No, we didn't struggle at all, The eldest daughter left at 18 to move to the A.C.T. with a friend, & the 2nd daughter left at aged 22, She moved out to live closer to the course she was starting,Much later both daughters moved to Melbourne, at different times.
by Miro
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