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Do We Pick Our Partner With Our Hearts or Our Minds?

by Finy (follow)
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It is said that we "pick" our partners, even if we do not realise we are doing this.

Do you pick with your heart or more logically, with your mind?

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Top Answers
I picked with my

Both times failed badly!
by jonaja
LOL Jonah, that's what I said and same for me 3 times!
by Finy
:) we must think alike.
by jonaja
or we are both stupid??
by Finy
stupid maybe :) lol....lol....lol.
well at least we could write a book on it.!
by jonaja
Depends on the person doing the picking. I pick with my heart, but I'm sure logic and reasoning come into it when you're looking at marriage. You have to make sure that a person is going to be a good partner long-term, but you also need to be in love with them to want to be with them, I think.
Yes, Sarah, well put. I thought often when you are madly in love, that it is ONLY heart....
by Finy
I have always picked with my heart in the past and it has never worked out....I believe there is an element luck involved after a time in relationships...once the inevitable subsiding of 'chemical passion' happens I think some folk are lucky when they discover their personalities and values are such that they get on and stay together. (I have had a much more interesting life than them however I believe!)
by Fran
Nah, I disagree Yello -Would it not be nice to have been in the same relationship as you age, rahter than changing partners sometimes? Admittedly it might be boring, but nice?
by Finy
To me..what you said was not a disagreement to what I said, just an addition to the subject! I did not say it wasn't 'nice' to be in a longstanding relationship...great if that is how it works out, obviously we would all probably have hoped for this...ciaou
by Fran
I kind of agree with your reference to "chemical passion". If we're talking life-partner, my uncle always used to say "choose someone you can live with, not without" because the latter is usually based on an infatuation that eventually dies down because it is typically based on emotional feelings that change over time. Once it dies down, if it isn't someone you "can live with", well, obviously it ain't going to last... They need to be able to stick at it with you through thick and thin, and the chemical passion side of things typically doesn't consider the scenario where everything goes pear-shaped - which is what REALLY tests your compatibility as friends/companions/life-mates. He seems to have been right in my observations...
by kimp
With our hearts, if our mind was involved we wouldn't
choose anyone
Both are involved when "picking" a partner.

Yes - the obvious attraction is psychological and also emotional. It is a beautiful feeling, but you always need to complement it with the logistics - is he/she the right one to date/get together with/marry, are they stable - emotionally, mentally, financially, is this good for me and my current lifestyle, what's their lifestyle like, etc.
Xarah, that is being very logical! I don't think I have been able to do that in the past.
by Finy
In my country, India, arranged marriages are common and it was for me too. My husband was chosen by my parents and me by his parents. For us it is important that the families too gel well. My husband and I had got only 10 minutes to decide, in which I dunno how we said yes. Frankly, I had always made wrong choices (with heart) previously and finally told my parents 'I will marry whoever you pick'.
In a month, we were engaged and married a month later. But somehow we clicked together like 'match made in heaven'!
We starting living together and gradually loving each other. All the elements to keep the marriage are there and whatever is not we both make peace with it together. Touch wood!
I love your story.
It's really very romantic....and very important for some to also have good in laws, that everyone is happy.
by jonaja
I think I have always picked with my heart -and guess what -it did not work in the long run!

I DO now believe we actually pick even though I do not appear to but having read a lot on the matter, I have picked wrong each time.
by Finy
Picking if your head rather than your heart makes me think of arranged marriages, or marriages of convenience or for political gain (like kings and queens marrying for power, alliances, etc)
Your head. Simple.
With heart
Science puts it down to pheremones but I am hoping it is more than that.
Heart ofcourse.
End of the day heart or mind, its still you.
Klinical we Would say that you Pick your partner with your mind.In christianity we are doing the picking with our heart the prist Would say God chose your partner
Unfortunately with my heart! Fell in love at first sight!

..........AND it WAS literally, across a crowded room!

by donjo
by Rice
Sorry, I meant THIS one . . . . .

by Rice
But across that crowded room, did you run to his side and did you end up….seeing him again and again……la la la la la la
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