I only have one brother and yes, I am closer to him since our parents died actually.
My parents lived in a different State to me, and we always phoned each other at least once a week.
After they died, my brother started phoning me every week and even though we live in different States, we became closer. He immediately came over to Perth when two of my children on two separate occasions, died and I really appreciated that support from him.
Unfortunately,I have never been close to my sister who is 2 years older than me.It has always seemed as if she has resented me from when I was born!!!This truly breaks my heart.It got much worse when our mother died very young.I was just 17 and my sister 19. From that ghastly time it became worse and worse over the years,and I have not spoken to her since January 1998. I have tried to build the bridge between us,but without success. I do however always keep up to date through my dad,though he hardly ever hears from her either.. My stepsister,however,is a whole other story.She is much younger than me and we are very close despite living so far from each other!!! This is such a blessing and I am very fortunate that after Mum died,my dad met and married the most wonderful woman who had a delightful child,both of whom I loved as much as he did! They will celebrate 40 years of
marriage in December!!! I wish that I could make things even slightly better with my biological sister,but it does take two to sort this sort of estrangement out.
My sister is quite a few years older than I. It's only in the past few years that I've come to realise just how jealous she's always been of me!
She grew up post-war; I in the '50's. Our parents' had re-established their business, after the War, & became quite wealthy. She married when I was 7, so I got nearly everything I wanted! She had nothing growing up, as those were the times.
Of late, I noticed particularly, her condescending manner to me, & her youngest child was the same to me. Both treating me as the 7 yo I was when she left home. She got very picky about my clothes; I dress conventionally, & what's comfy for ME! My clothes are ALWAYS clean, pressed, & all my accessories match up. I feel like a million $$$$ anytime I go out! I could meet ANYBODY, & I'd feel well-dressed!
So it reached a point I was fed-up with her constant 'digs' at me, especially on the phone, so a wrote her a plain, simple assertive letter, explaining that I don't appreciate her attitude etc etc etc.
This was a few months' ago, & I haven't heard from her since. My action has de-stressed me quite considerably, & I feel much better for that.
Time will tell what happens next, but I'm not in any rush to 'mend fences', as my health is too precious to me.
You are so right in saying that you have to do what is right for YOU at the end of the day,whether it is how you dress,how you speak,or basically how you live, to be certain of keeping as healthy as you can. Thank you EVER so much for understanding my plight. I won't say that I have given up on trying to build a bridge to my sister,but it is certainly NOT a priority for me,as I am not physically very well,Thank heavens my dad is compassionate to my issues and he told me many years back that I can only do what I am able to,and at this point,I need to look after ME!!! Luckily I am very strong emotionally,and I get on with the things which make life a joy.rather than a mess!
Oh! Jules, you're SO right! We've got to do the best we can for ourselves, whilst on our beautiful Blue Planet!
I realised very quickly once I left School, & started working, that I had to 'push my own barrow, as nobody else would'.
I was the one who always stood back, allowed others to go ahead of me, out of seniority or just felt they were the type of people I had to 'kow-tow' to. The best words to sum me up as a child or teenager was 'shrinking violet'!
Not any more!
I'm not rude, or pushy, but more assertive now! And I think part of that was being there/looking after my children, as was my 'job' as a Mother.
Thank you for your kind words. Cheers!
Not my sisters really, although we do have lunch together to celebrate our combined birthdays once a year, & we email each other, re our mum. Yes, we all live in Sydney. I think I was closer to my brother, who lived in S.A. but passed away in August 2012. Gee, it only seems like 3/4 years ago!