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Would you let your friend know if you knew her partner was cheating?

by helenonthesofa (follow)
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How would you cope with the morale dilema of finding out that your friend's partner is cheating on her? Would you stay out of it, as it's none of your business? Or would you let her know to help prevent her future pain and humiliation. Perhaps you would approach the partner and tackle it from that angle.

Have you been in this situation? What did you do? What would you want your friends to do if they were in this predicament.

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If I knew for certain I'd definitely let my friend know. But I think you also have to be prepared for the possibility that your friend might not take it very well--especially if there was already bad blood between you and their partner.

If you're friends then I think it's definitely your role to let a friend know, but I when it comes to how they handle the situation understand they might not act as you would.
Good point. I remember when a friend (A) told a mutual friend (B) that her boyfriend was cheating on her. B projected whatever fear she had at that thought onto A and cracked a wobbly at HER ... and went on to marry her boyfriend. They are still together many years later with a couple of kids.
by susie
I was the best man at my mates wedding and overheard the bride’s maids talking about the brides cheating leading up to the wedding.
It was on the wedding day and I was unsure if it was a trick by the maids to stop the wedding by allowing me to hear it. Uncertain as what to do I kept silent.
He was given a compensation payment for a previous head injury that left him a bit slow thinking. He spent it on a house that she took when she dumped him for her financial advisor. She now lives in a large house with her lover and he is homeless. I should have warned him but had no time to think it out on the wedding day. If I had spoken up I would have been made the scape goat for a ruined wedding but by keeping silent I contributed to his financial ruin.
Adultery is listed in the top ten sins for a very good reason. It destroys lives just like murder.

Wow, what a story. You were not to know at that exact moment the seriousness of the gossip. It could easily have just been bridesmaids bitching but unfortunately for your friend, there was more too it. I hope he gets back on his feet soon.
I'd make sure I had all my facts straight first but morally I'd want my friend to know and that is where my loyalty would lie. I think I might try to tackle it with her partner first if I were on good terms with them too, e.g. give them a chance to come clean but ultimately I'd want to make sure my friend finds out from me before hearing it from others. I'd also want to save them from humiliation so think telling them would be the only way. It would be a horrible situation to be in.
I will certainly tell my friend if I am completely certain. Friendship comes complete with unspoken rules and resposibilities. I will inform my friend and will also offer my support to aid her in coping with the news. Good timing and good support can minimise the adverse impacts of the blow.
I would speak with the partner and tell them that I know and encourage them to come clean. I would make completely sure I was right first!!

I would tell them that I will tell my friend if they don't within a certain amount of time. I would explain why it would be better coming from them.

Be extra careful what you say perhaps tell them that you feel their partner may be unhappy and that they should arrange a big D and M ASAP.
Would definitely let them know. The art of timing needs to be nailed down pat.
Yep, I think timing would be everything!
I once found out, after my friend and her boyfriend had broken up, that he had cheated on her when they were together. I ended up chickening out a bit and telling a mutual friend, who told my friend.
Yes I have seen a very dear friends husband from a distance with another woman.
I stayed out of it.....because I was not sure if I should say something.
If it is for sure he is cheating! I would say something to her, now.
She deserves to be told the truth, but one would need to really Know....he is for sure cheating.I would want someone to tell me.
I'd also want someone to tell me.
Not sure which way I would go for sooooo many reasons. First of all, I wouldn't want to know from a friend that my partner was cheating on me, therefore I wouldn't go tell a friend either. Secondly, "cheating" is difficult to confirm. What if the friend's partner was just "hanging out" with a member of the opposite gender. Thirdly, if I had pretty good confirmation, I would do some investigation before I would approach the partner rather than my friend, and instead of making him feel guilty or accuse him, I would just try to find out how things are going with him and give him hints that I have seen him with other people, etc. I think I would only tell my friend if she was getting married to a person who I knew was cheating on her.
I wouldnt.Its just too hurting.But I would leave her hints.
Yes, this has happened to me, and it was AWFUL.
The husband of my friend boasted about it to my husband at the time.
He, in turn told me, and then I was horrified that someone would boast about this.

I knew in my heart, that the right thing to do was to tell my good friend, however I just did not have the "guts" to do it. Not sure if that is the right word -I knew how much it would hurt her, and probably break up their marriage, and I did somehow, not want to be the cause of that, so I kept quiet.
They ended up divorcing anyway, and to this day I have still not told my friend as cannot now see the point.
Don't know if I did right or wrong but I hate to hurt people.
by Finy
Probably not but it would be a very, very hard secret to keep ! and even if I didn't tell, I would have to avoid being in the company of the couple concerned because I think my body language might give the secret away.
I can put up with a lot of faults in people, but liars are one fault I cannot handle. That is why I loathe Toby Abbott.
yes definitely, I think one needs to be absolutely sure but as someone else has said I would want any friend of mine (if done for the right reasons and not for spite) to tell me. I think you'd have to couch it in a way that explained your intentions and then giving it time. I couldnt imagine a situation where I would not tell a close friend this. Only maybe if they were really terminally ill and the knowledge would be detrimental to them and make their difficult situation worse.
Yes but I would have to think long on hard to find the best way to break the news. Sometimes the messenger gets 'shot'
by Gia
I would tell them.
It obviously depends on the friend's relationship situation. If she was looking for a way out of the marriage, then yes, I would tell her, and probably when I was young and single, I would have told her, but now I am in a relationship, wherein, I am very dependant on the man, because of my life situation, I would not want to have it confirmed that he was cheating on me, I would feel my friend would rather not know as well
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