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Why do victims of domestic violence often remain silent about their abuse?

by Vee (follow)
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Relationships (204)      Feminism (56)      Safety (52)      Domestic violence (6)     


Cycle of domestic violence
‘Cycle of abuse, power & control issues in domestic abuse situations’ by moggs oceanlane


I was horrified to learn that in Australia, one woman dies every week at the hands of her current or former partner (The Australian’s Women’s Weekly, March 2014).

I am no stranger to the effects of domestic violence because people very close to me were once victims of their partners.

I always imagined that if I were ever in a situation where my partner was abusive towards me, I would speak out. But, to be honest, I don’t know what I would do if confronted by this reality.

Why do victims of domestic violence often remain silent about their abuse?


#Safety
#Domestic violence
#Feminism
#Relationships
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Top Answers
I was for a few years one of those women.
My reasons:for staying are below...

I felt things would get better.
I felt that I had caused him to act as he did.
I married him, so I should try to be a better wife.
Something about me...may? be causing him to be so angry.
I had no where else to go....I mean No where.
I had children,where do they go?
I had no car.
It will get better, once I try harder(it never did get better).
I had NO money....so where do you go with children.
I had no family to call on for help, they were in Qld.

People often say...'why didn't you just leave'.
Well for all the reasons above, not just 1 but all of them.
I felt
totally helpless, and hopeless.

Unless one has been there, people should just 'try' to get their head around all
the odds stacked against that person, who is in domestic violence.
It took me 5 LONG years, and a new baby, and my jaw with a slight fracture.

I remember grabbing my handbag, picked up the baby...walked out the door with the clothes on my back.
Met my other son, at the park.(he had been there with friends).

We never ever went back.
It takes the 'last straw', before some women say''I can not do this any more'.

I have never looked back! life is wonderful, and my boys are happy men.

That's awful. I'm sorry you went through that. It was very brave of you to leave when you did but you shouldn't ever feel bad for not leaving sooner. It's not your fault. It's horrible that some women don't feel like they have anywhere to go.
I'm so sorry jonaj. Like Jennifer said, you are a brave woman. It takes a lot of courage to do what you did. You set an example to your sons and gave them the life they deserved.
by Vee
Thanks for your comments :)
means a lot.

by jonaja
:)
by Vee
I agree, none of this was your fault. You must be a strong person, it can be so hard to take a step into what seems like emptiness, coming from a place of fear.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Walking out was incredibly brave, and talking about it even braver. We need more women like you to break the silence, share their stories so women who are in intolerable situations can be inspired by women like you who have found their voice. The isolation when women are in that situation leads them to believe they are alone. The reality is there are far too many women who share this experience. Thank you.
thank you :)
by jonaja
It is hard to understand why, when you are not a victim of domestic abuse yourself, but try to consider another circumstance where you keep things secret. What is the reason behind it? Underlying reasons could be:

Fear of how others would react, fear of how it would affect others, fear of what your partner might do, fear you won't be believed, lack of self worth ( you believe you deserve it), you don't realise that it is not the norm ( a lot of other women suffer from domestic abuse), embarrassment
It may be because the victim is blindsided by their love for their partner. Believe it or not, I know a couple of my friends who have been in the situation and despite that, they give their partner multiple chances because they believe things will turn for the better.

Unfortunately, this is not always the case :(
I believe it is because they are so scared of what will happen to them or their children if they speak out.
While they are living there, they could be in constant danger, and doing something about it could place them in even more danger, apparently.

This is not first hand as I have not been in a physically violent relationship.
by Finy
I was for a few years one of those women.
My reasons:for staying are below...

I felt things would get better.
I felt that I had caused him to act as he did.
I married him, so I should try to be a better wife.
Something about me...may? be causing him to be so angry.
I had no where else to go....I mean No where.
I had children,where do they go?
I had no car.
It will get better, once I try harder(it never did get better).
I had NO money....so where do you go with children.
I had no family to call on for help, they were in Qld.

People often say...'why didn't you just leave'.
Well for all the reasons above, not just 1 but all of them.
I felt
totally helpless, and hopeless.

Unless one has been there, people should just 'try' to get their head around all
the odds stacked against that person, who is in domestic violence.
It took me 5 LONG years, and a new baby, and my jaw with a slight fracture.

I remember grabbing my handbag, picked up the baby...walked out the door with the clothes on my back.
Met my other son, at the park.(he had been there with friends).

We never ever went back.
It takes the 'last straw', before some women say''I can not do this any more'.

I have never looked back! life is wonderful, and my boys are happy men.

Sorry no idea why there are 2 answers?
by jonaja
That's a question I ask myself every time this topic pops up, and unfortunately this is more often than we would like. It may be fear, it may be shame, insufficient financial resources, feeling of guilt and a wrong sense of obligation. In my opinion, none of them justifies a life lived in fear.
Women remain silent for many reasons. Abuse takes many forms sometimes women are so diminished by the violence that they do not even recognise that they are in an abusive relationship. Sadly sometimes it is actually senior women who were also abused, who endorse this.
I would think that victims stay silent out of shame. Some of these women are a part of affluent families or groups.

Some of these victims are fooled into thinking that the abuse won't happen another time.
Some victims are depended on their partners and may be afraid that they may suffer if left alone, others fear that they will be harmed by their spouse if they leave. I have personally heard of several women who have been killed by their partners after they told them that the relationship is over.
This is a serious issue.
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