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What do you think about interracial marriages?

by annep (follow)
Marriage (63)      Advice (63)      Romance (45)      Relationship (37)      Interracial (1)     
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A happy ending does not always happen to all of us. When two people coming from two entirely different backgrounds and religions fall in love, do you think it can really work? Would you consider marry a foreigner yourself?

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While I believe that love conquers all, I am still a bit concerned about this. It is different for people, so maybe some couples can live happily together. But some of my friends complain after years of marriage with a foreigner that one of them have to compromise when it comes to culture gaps.
Here in Australia someone doesn't have to be "a foreigner" to be from a different cultural background. There are people from lots of different ethnic groups who are born here and are Australian citizens.
Yes, but if you think about it, they are not really from different background considering they are pretty much Australians just like you.
by annep
They still are since they can have a different religion and different customs and speak a different first language, and they may have grown up in a totally different part of Australia (compare Arnhem land with inner city Sydney) Frankly, even someone from the same ethnic group as me who lives in Australia can have a different background from me if you consider class as well as race and religion (we're supposedly a classless society, but while we're less class conscious than Britain it's still there). Someone from a wealthy family who all went to university has had a very a different lot in life from someone who grew up in a caravan whose parents always lived on unemployment benefits.

Conversely, someone from the UK or even New Zealand is a foreigner here but you might have more in common with them than someone else who was born here. I'd just be a bit careful with that word.
Is that still even up for debate in this day and age? Any two consenting adults should be free to get married if they want to. Lots of people marry someone from a different background from them. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I wouldn't make any kind of sweeping statements about it though. It's a case by case thing.

If I'd fallen in love with someone with a different background from me I might have considered marrying them. It never came up since fell for someone I kind of grew up with and whose ancestors are from the same part of the world as mine.
I think it's got very little to do with race.

As Jennifer mentioned, being a different race doesn't necessarily make you a foreigner. Just as foreigners can be of the same race as you...

Sure, coming from two different backgrounds can be one of many things that can affect how your relationship works. But that should only concern the two people in that relationship. It's also not something that is the same amongst every other couple who also come from different backgrounds.

What do I think about interracial marriages? The same things I think about all marriages.....
Twenty five years ago I married a black American guy.

We loved each other very much, and have one child from that marriage.
We had no problems with the difference of our colour...but other people did.
We were often taken to a empty room, for a meal we had ordered in America.
Not allowed to eat with the 'whites'.!
We had all kinds of people be rude, and all walks of life.
Too too many for me to talk about here.In the end, we both felt like we were
'aliens'..It took it's toll, and my husband went back to America, after many years.
It was 50-50 the amount of racist behaviour from Australia and America.
My husband was use to it, as he had it growing up in the States....I on the other hand would get upset with people, he would tell me to ignore it.
It didn't work out also for other reasons,he loved America...and became very homesick.We both had the same religion..so that was a huge bonus, just human beings were our main issue.
I won't say I don't miss him, we stay in contact it could have worked if people just live and let live.
That's really sad. I'm sorry it contributed to the end of your marriage. I can never understand why people react that way. If people are happy, why it's it anyone else's business.
No, its definitely not a problem provided both couples are really in love (and not infatuated/addicted) to each other.
In any relationship, both the partners should be mature enough to adjust and if need be make some compromises to keep the bond strong. Hence the race, background, religion doesn't matter.
However, I also feel the upbringing should be similar so that social tastes are kind of similar and the individuals do not feel completely out of place.
I think for some people Religion is a huge 'matter'.
by jonaja
Oh! jonaj, I couldn't agree more! I remember when my Catholic cousin wanted to marry a C of E chap, back in the mid-50's, it caused a huge schism in our family.

Move forward 20 years, & I married a Methodist man, in my Parish Church, by my Parish Priest, assisted by my fiancÚ's Methodist Minister! Funny thing is my son was Baptized, but went to an Anglican Private School, & attends Uniting Church, & my daughter's Uniting Church Christened, schooled, & attending. She was married by a Civil Celebrant! Ecumenical family, I think! The only person who got her feathers' ruffled was my ignorant, dumba$$ m/i/l, to whom I gave a piece of my mind, & basically told her to 'butt out', & MYOB. She was the cause of many a problem, in our marriage, for years' after, though, to the point, I didn't speak to her for her last 15 years' on earth! Best thing I ever did concerning her. She was slightly mentally retarded, I believe.

So as I said in my previous post, things are moving v e r y slowly.
Inter-racial marriages' are a different, & more complex situation, though, IMHO.
by donjo
I can't believe it's a thing at all anymore. I am very surprised by your stories, Jonaj. That's disgraceful. I have to say, I was kind of shocked by this question, purely because I didn't think we used that terminology anymore (because we're all such a mix of everything these days, down the bloodlines and in the cultural behaviours.)
From a legal (and I believe moral) perspective, of course, it shouldn't matter - at least in Western Civilasations. Unfortunately, in the majority of the world (both population and nation-wise), it does matter and your life can be severely affected or even ended as a result of it. I choose not to live in those parts of the world. However, the law in Western civilisations typically has little or no influence on whether your relationship succeeds or not.

Some people say "love" conquers all and religion is or isn't important etc... I think that reasoning (as far as relationship longevity and survivability are concerned) is flawed because, for example, "love" is defined very differently by people. The English language uses "love" to cover a very broad concept for which some other languages (eg. Greek, if I understand correctly) use several words, depending on which aspect of "love" we are referring to (eg. Agape, Erros, companionship etc). To some, religion (or politics, or whatever) is a potential deal breaker (because it's important to them) but for others, it simply isn't important.

I think ONE of the keys to any successful marriage (or any relationship for that matter) is that both parties share the same values in terms of what's important (to them) in life. Look at the things that tend matter most the seniors (or other couples a decade or two ahead of you) in our communities, and then assess whether you and your partner share the same views/importance on these things, because these are the things that will matter when you've been together for a long while, and when we tend to become more complacent with, and less tolerant of, our partners. If you find it difficult to accept other ways of living, then you should think twice about starting what you hope will be a long term relationship with someone who appears to have some very different perspectives on life.
by kimp
The same I think about marriage overall. If two people love each other have a lot in common, feel they can weather the storm of life in general and are committed to being with that person for the long haul, yes. Life is so diverse these days I really think and hope that the whole discussion around interratial marriage is long gone...let's hope
Interracial & inter cultural marriages do often come with their own unique challenges, but what marriage doesn't? I think the success of a marriage has more to do with how committed the two people are to making it work than what their difference might be.
by kimp
Yes it can work, there's no reason why it wouldn't. It they have gotten as far as to fall in love with each other, then it's only the opinion of everyone else that will divide them.
I don't.
I think of/for the children of that marriage. Barriers are v e r y slowly breaking down, with time, but doubt it will ever be 100% accepted.
My husband and I are in such a relationship and it didnt even warrent more than a half and hour discussion about his religion. We are people and each person is different, only few more differences.
I love his dedication to his religion, since I have none of my own, I like watching the ritual of it. We dont care what people think, we chose eachother, and for me I waited a long time to settle down and really I also didnt need to marry to be in a relationship that was dedicated and monogomas.
The only time different culture( and it the traditions not the ethanticity) with children is when you know the difference, but like us we will let our son choose his religion when he is at an age to know what it is.
We will involve him in my husbands culture and mine.
The only people who care about our union are the other people who stare, but we don't care, it is our life.

Everyone is different, every couple has problems.
I'm Australian descended from Scotland and England and Wales, he is Punjab India Sikh.
On the outset it seems like a good idea. But from people's experiences it is not all smooth sailing. Again, no marriage is smooth sailing. I think it is easier if the two races have more in comman, such as language, culture or religion. As someone else has mentioned one of the pair would have to make big sacrifices - but for how long?
I think the stigma once attached to mixed marriages has been gradually breaking down over time but who are we to say it can't work. It is up to the couple concerned to make it work or not. Yes outside influences can have a bearing on the state of marriage and I'd guess that not everyone can cope with this so good on you if you have made it work.
I'm saddened that this is even a question but saddened more that I'm not surprised that it is.
But to answer the question seeing as it has been asked I think nothing as I don't see that is has any relevance.
However as others have pointed out we do not live in a vacuum and as such the society that you live in needs to be considered especially if you plan to have children I think you should breed ( often more attractive people come from mixed race making for a prettier world) but if and when you do you need to consider the consequences to your offspring.
I think they are a great idea. Just so long as both are the same Colour and Born in the same Country....... Oh, and of course, Love each other.
I don't think about it at all. Never have. It is none of my business. We were brought up "colour blind" and knew many people of different races. We would have been in big trouble if we looked at somebody differently because of race or disability. My father fought in WW2 and I never heard him say a bad word about a German in my life. I just don't have the ability to fixate on inter-racial, age based or same sex marriages. All marriages are liable to have ups and downs and I think differing ethnicities might be the least of them.
by Rice
LOL!

Australia is such a multicultural country, good luck finding a single decent Australian man!

I'm 5 generations Australian. My husband to be is from Africa, Ghana.

Of course it can work, it just comes with unique challenges.
Nothing wrong with them in this day and age however they could present problems and teasing for children.
by Finy
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