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Is it ok for married couples to sleep in separate beds?

by Vee (follow)
Lifestyle (334)      Sleep (90)      Marriage (63)     

Kolekcja KOLI
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Before Husband and I were married, I was determined that we would always share a bed--as long as we were together, of course.

But life changed, as it inevitably does when one has children. Not only do we sleep in separate beds throughout the week now, we also sleep in separate rooms because Hubby needs a good night's sleep in preparation for work--his life depends on it.

What's your take on the sleeping arrangements of married couples? Should they always share a bed or are there exceptions to this expectation?

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Top Answers
I guess it depends on the situation and the reasons. I always say that a couple should not take a dispute to bed i.e. should not sleep without resolving it, but sometimes it is necessary to sleep on it to cool things off. So again, depends on the situation. Ideally, it's best to stay in the same bed in my opinion and face challenges together whether it means dealing with snoring, children waking through the night, or whatever else. Children are not only one parents' responsibility. But as everyone else has said, I would also tend to say that each couple has to figure this one out for themselves.
After being married twice, I would have like to also have a spare bedroom 'if' one of us did need to sleep alone.It really is not in my opinion a good way to sleep...having someone in your bed....They take the covers, and snore...and toss and turn.
To me it is o.k. to sleep alone, because sleep they tell us, is vital to healthy living.
If they snore it is! Also, if there are young kids coming into the room during the middle of the night and it is important that one of the couple get a good sleep to go to work the next day, then sure, have a spare room so they can get their needed sleep. It's better than having them sleep deprived.
I gave up sleeping next to "the chainsaw massacre" years ago. Even now with the doors closed I can sometimes still hear the snoring through the walls as it wakes me.
Amen to that. I put him at the other end of the house and can still hear him.
by Rice
I think its difficult to judge what is right or wrong in another persons marriage. Whatever works for one couple could be the undoing of another. I think in all relationships you just find what suits you, and others can like it or lump it. I've got friends who have separate rooms and they're a very close couple but just don't sleep well together. No dramas.
What ever works in your marriage is what you should do. As for me and my husband, We have enough nights apart due to his work commitments , so when he is home we sure don't want to be in two separate rooms.
I say each to their own. Do whatever works for your family, as long as you get enough sleep, I don't think it matters where you sleep.
I had a friend whose parent slept in separate beds. I, of course, found it a bit odd at the stage of my life. However, I would gladly do that now. The duvet - ALL to myself and when some turns I don't wake up to the earth shaking. GREAT idea! But it is not an acceptable solution because the kids still love diving onto the bed and snuggling with us! That is the best part of having a double bed! ;)
Sure, it's okay if they want to. It's really not anybody else's business.

In our family we cosleep with our kids so at different times either my husband and I have slept in a bed with one of our children rather than he and I in a bed together. That works for us. They are only little for such a short time in the broad scheme of things.
It totally depends on the couple. As for me and my husband, we don't like sleeping apart. We do not have kids yet, so we don't know how things would be later.
A bit of both - depending on deadlines etc.
I have been married over 40 years. I was married at 16. I would not like to sleep in separate beds but sometime it is necessary maybe for medical reason or just to get a good nights sleep. I have been lucky last couple of years as my husband works away a lot I get the bed to myself.
Of course it is all right if the circumstances require it: just make sure the relationship continues as you would like it too.
by anne
I think it is up to each individual to work this out however, there is nothing wrong with it if done for reasons similar to what you state, or even as you get older and we snore more, there is nothing wrong with it.
I know several friends who are very happy but no longer share a bed/bedroom for practical reasons.
by Finy
Each to their own and whatever works.
by kimp
If either snores, separate beds are a 'must'.
Without decent sleep each night, sickness will ensue.
This should be a joint decision between partners. Personally, until my husband died, I had never slept alone for almost 50 years, unless one of us was sick or away from home Wouldn't have had it any other way.
Its OK for married couples to do whatever they want in their marriage as long as they are both in agreement.
No I do not agree with it.
by Finy
Oh! Tiny, you've obviously never had to lie next to a snorer, or a partner extremely ill..............
by donjo
My bloody oath it is OK.
My husband & I had always shared, but then his snoring was waking me, 3 or 4 times a night, & I'd keep shaking him gently, to stop the snoring & he didn't like that. He said I also snored, so he's moved into a double bed, in another bedroom. He also goes to bed much later then me, then reads in bed, & looks at SBS on Demand movies or youtube, on my laptop. This is because of the shift work he used to do for 16 & 1/2 years. His body clock never went back to, 'normal' I fall asleep soon as I turn off the light, so this way works very well for us, & now I don't wake up tired in the mornings.
by Miro
We have been sleeping in separate beds for quite some time.This arrangement works fine for me as he tosses and turns in the bed shaking it considerably which made me sleepless for years,then the new arrangement is so helpful to my health also.

Apparently, this is called "partner disturbance". A good mattress can remedy this.
by Vee
We have queen beds at opposite ends of this house as he is a snorer, an arm flinger and a kicker. He also steals the covers. I couldn't tolerate the sleep disturbance and the bruising any longer. In the new house I won't hear him from 150 klm away.
by Rice
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