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How long should you wait to have children after you are married?

by Sharmila Jayasinghe (follow)
Relationships (200)      Family (305)      Children (243)     


If you are a couple who had children soon after you got married, do you think you should have waited few years just enjoying each others company as a couple before having kids? If you are a couple who stayed many years together before deciding you are ready for kids, do you regret not having kids earlier and at a younger age?

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I was married at a young age - younger than I had ever intended. We didn't intend on having children straight away either, but a couple of days before our first wedding anniversary we found out we had a little one on the way. It would have been nice to have a couple more years together, to have done some more travelling, or even to have bought our own place, but now that he's here with us, we wouldn't have it any other way.
by Vee
It really depends on the couple. You might want that honeymoon phase for a while. 12 months is generally good. Some marriages come with children inherited from previous relationships on the other end.
Like Justine said, it depends on the couple. Some people want to advance their careers first, others want to enjoy their time as a couple before children come along, and some are very family oriented and want kids right away. It also depends what age you get married. If you are in your early twenties, then you have time to wait a few years, but if you are in your thirties or older, then you might want to have kids as soon as you can.
I think today, it's best to try and get a house, with a good car.

These are just the 2 main things any couple should have....having a family, is a bonus.Children cost money, and it's best to have some behind you, before starting any family.
Life is not as care-free as it was 30-40years ago.Houses didn't cost the earth, and people were a lot more happy, with less.
Whenever you are ready, I don't believe you can take a 'one size fits all' approach to this topic. There will never be a perfect time, but if the foundations of your relationship are strong and you are both ready, go for it.
My daughter was born a year after we were married. It would have been nice to do a bit more travelling before she came along, but I was already 30 and didn't want to leave it too late as a good friend of ours did. We're still young enough to get up to them during the night without being wiped out the next day and now we can travel as a family.
Till we both are financially stable with a job that pays well and looks like it will last for a while.
Also, till the time where we both feel comfortable with the idea and aren't pressurizing the other one into it too soon.
exactly...good idea :)
by jonaj
I don't think couples necessarily even need to get married before having kids (or at all). It's a personal choice. I suppose it's nice to spend time just as a couple before having kids ( a year or two maybe?) but since many couples live together before they get married now that seems a bit redundant.
I agree, what has marriage to do with children these days. The only criteria is that you want children.
by brigi
It depends on your age. Ideal age to have the first kid is before 30.
I have friends who are in their mid and late twenties and have been married almost three years. The guy's father is putting pressure on him. Why haven't you produced a grandchild for me? I said it's your choice, not your father's. Also, the time is not right. The guy is studying. Better to wait until you have finished your course and have a better job. Then you will be established.

by kh
It was good idea for us to wait 4 years, to have kids, until we had a roof over our head and had stopped paying rent. It was a very ordinary house but it meant I could stop working until the kids went to school.
Unless you have a lot of money, try to put it off until Mr Abbott does something about affordable child care facilities for women that are NOT of a particularly high calibre.
Personal choice.

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