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Do you tell it like it is?

by Manny (follow)
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Well, I've got to tell it like it is..



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Honestly..

Can you be frank with your friends (and foes)?
Can you express your perspective of a situation honestly, no matter who is criticized or how much it hurts without avoiding any or all of the unpleasant details?

Or do you handle everything diplomatically and try being politically right in a given scenario by only giving a hint of your dislike about a statement or an argument?

Do you appreciate if one's frank with you or try avoiding them?

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I think I prefer being diplomatic for the only reason that mostly people know when they are wrong or need correction.I would hint and leave it at that unless I am very close to that person.Even in that case, I would only put it politely.

Being frank is fine, as long as it doesn't hurt the other person.
It depends. Some people, I know won't take it well. Such people, I try to be diplomatic or just stay out of the situation.
But with close people I am quite upfront and blunt.
To gve you an honest answer, it depends on the individual person who is receiving the feedback and will really take your feedback seriously.

If they receive my perspective seriously, I give them an honest opinion. If not I just give them what they want to hear.

by krn
Yes. I am frank with my friends but with my foes Cagey.

To my discomfort and others' I am blunt, to the point of being rude while expressing my summing up of a situation, which many a times cost a relationship.
I am diplomatic in Business and in a Family or social function, not anywhere else..
I do not appreciate frankness except from my close friends, I avoid and keep mum in other cases..
However, as one ages, as I am, I find it sensible accept every thing and avoid contradicting others as I have realized when people ask you for their opinions, it is only to confirm theirs.
I think I prefer being diplomatic for the only reason that mostly people know when they are wrong or need correction.I would hint and leave it at that unless I am very close to that person.Even in that case, I would only put it politely.

Being frank is fine, as long as it doesn't hurt the other person.
Hi.. Thanks for your response. Will you be diplomatic about it irrespective of whom you deal with or will it vary with each scenario?
by Manny
You know, I alternate between the two regularly. Sometimes I can be very blunt and to the point, while other times I will hedge. I don't know what makes me decide to go one way or the other.
I read your response 2-3 times. Feel compelled to ask you if your reaction (blunt/hedging) would be based on the person with whom you interact or the context of the scenario?
Personally I'm in a situation where honesty/not is a decider for a goal and I'm looking for subtle hints!
by Manny
Not really. I can be blunt or tactful with the same person.
There are times and places to be 'frank'.

It is not polite to be 'frank' with someone, when others are around...People who are, have in my opinion low self esteem, and it makes them feel good!

I avoid being 'frank'........... if I can be ''Frankly Diplomatic'', which means that I get a point across.....but try to save on 'hurt feelings'.That's what I will always do.
It takes a few years of life to know 'how' to do it, and I am only ever 'frank', if it is wanted or needed.

I have friends who 'ask' me to be 'frank', as they know I take a fair amount of time to evaluate the issue.

I have never admired people who just blurt out things, even if they are correct.
They spend little or no care and time before opening their mouths.

People can get badly hurt, from being 'frank'.I have heard of one quite simple story...where it was just too 'frank'.

It didn't end well, and now someone no longer alive.The tongue is a powerful weapon, so we should use it wisely.
It also now for me depends on who would like to be 'frank' with me, as I feel
respect is vital.I can 'cop it on the chin'...For sure.
Well you know me quite well! Being forthright is my biggest strength and weakness.

I appreciate people being this way too. It avoids a lot of confusions and misconceptions.
I sure do tell it like it is however that is not always a good thing as have lost some friends along the way.
However the friends I now have and have had for a long time, understand me, and know that is just part of me, and some even think it is refreshing as they always know where they stand with me.
However, I will lie so as not to deliberately hurt someone.
I am definitely not politically correct though am not rude.
by Finy
Without being ruthless - I say it in a manner that's balanced between subtle and cut-the-bullshit.

Part of my job requires me to do so, and it's a skill one must hone to excel at.
I think it should be decided if the outcome is worth the effort.
In a business negotiation both parties should be clear about how they feel and outline their expectations in order to achieve a result. This will often save time and money. It took me a long time to work out how to work with people from different cultural back grounds and understand the need for people to save face.
Other cultures hold back information on advice from previous generations in the false belief that it gives them an advantage.
The best outcome can be had if all parties are politely clear on what they want and what can be achieved.
If it is an emotional issue then you need to decide if it is worth the effort and the risk. Always remember that to achieve personal happiness in your life for a greater percentage of your time alive you need to be honest with yourself and those around you. This honesty needs to be delivered with love for the person and not to boost yourself. This allows you to like yourself and be happy with who you are.
I think I'm quite tactful and give constructive suggestions but I have heard myself described as "You know exactly where you stand with Lynne."
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