Counsellor & Psychotherapist
Masters of Counselling & Psychotherapy UofA
Member of the ACA College of Supervisors
Level 3 Member Australian Counselling Association
I have had some pretty serious things happen in my life.
But because I am a Christian, and follow it very seriously.
I can forgive,because I understand what forgiveness means.
It is in the grand scheme of things....Dangerous to not forgive.
I also like to give a big try to forget.
I do not believe that is the kind of psychological stuff, anyone should hang on too.
Everyone deserves to be happy...and...healthy. Mentally, it's bad to keep a memory close, that was a bad time in our lives that someone else has caused.
It isn't easy to forget, far from it...but I just refuse to be a victim of it.
Any kind of hostile thought, that is just making me upset, and I just see no value in holding what has happened.......... in my head.
I see it like a 'virus' (like a computer gets) in the end it threatens it, and causes damage.
Send it out into the far depths of this vast universe of ours, to sit on some distant planet.
There's not enough room on this planet, with all the raw emotions each person has, and pain...without it doing some damage to us all.
I'm not making light of things people do to us, but in the end...if one holds onto it....you will remain the victim.
Forgiving releases (what happened to you).You become the Boss, because you make the choice of the final outcome.
Unforgiveness, keeps a person bound to what happened to them.
I'm not sure whether I've truly forgiven or whether it's about learning from one's lesson and just steering clear of those situations in the future. One thing's for sure, you should never forget - only because it's a lesson learnt and it's part of your journey of self-discovery.
I think this all depends on the circumstances. If somebody I really care about hurt me deeply, I imagine it would take a long time for me to be able to forget. If they were truly sorry, I could forgive them. I would be able to forgive them more easily if what they did to hurt me was unintentional or if they tried to avoid it. However, if somebody I barely knew hurt me, I imagine I would be able to put it behind me quite quickly.
I find this very difficult when someone hurts me.
If the act is intentional the pain is greater.
It is sad that people can simply move on and ignore that they caused pain to another person.
If it an oversight it is easier to forgive, however even in this situation I often think that if it were me I would have considered the other persons feelings.
Many people claim this oversight as an excuse.
I am skeptical of this as I believe as mature responsible adults we should treat others as we want to be treated.
After years of feeling sad and disappointed by these callous acts, I gave myself permission to forgive.
This process has also freed me.
I am still working on how to forget.
However it is these very experiences that shape us and develop strength and character, so maybe forgetting is not all so important.