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Do you allow your adolescent or adult children to read or view pornographic material?

by Vee (follow)
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Some studies maintain that "all men watch porn, and it's not bad for them".

Other studies, however, point to the very real, and potentially devastating, effects of viewing pornography.

If you have adolescent children or adult children still living at home, do you allow them to view pornography? Why or why not?

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I don't think "allow" is the right word, I very firmly believe that first of all I don't have the right to dictate what others do or don't do, in nearly every sphere of activity and that would include viewing porn. Secondly, I think that it is far more powerful to teach your children to think and make decisions for themselves, so that they have the tools to live their own life. Make your own views clear, discuss the topic, let them decide. Give them trust and responsibility, and show them that you believe they can make the right decision for themselves. Generally in my experience, where parents run every aspect of their children's lives and make all the decisions for them, those children just can't cope when they are free of the parent's influence.
Question: Do you have any children?
by jonaj
I would invite you to review the contents of this website http://fightthenewdrug.org/#sthash.cbIl3WTc.dpbs and consider the tragic stories of those men and women whose lives have been devastated by pornography. What we have on our hands is a grave public heath crisis - there are no two ways about it.
by Vee
Jonaj: yes. Though that shouldn't be relevant - my opinion is valid with or without children in my life. Please don't (de)value women based on motherhood.

Vee: I entirely agree that pornography is wrong and I am part of the fight (in a small way) to eradicate it. But that isn't what you asked. I have two major objections to the idea of "not allowing" - one it is almost certainly the best way to guarantee that my child deliberately seeks out porn and watches it, and second I believe that discussing the issues with him and giving him the responsibility of making his own choice on the matter is far more powerful and is also the only way I parent. I am a parent not a dictator, I am trying to give him to the tools to be a responsible adult and that does not involve considering I have the right to "allow" or "not allow" him to do something. It isn't a case of thinking that watching pornography is ok, I very much don't, but I have also to be true to my integral philosophy of how I treat other people.
Fair enough VerityG. I understand where you are coming from and respect that. :)
by Vee
I don't have adolescent children yet, so it hasn't come up, but I'd rather they didn't, and will tell them why. I would think with adult children it would be out of your hands what they do. Presumably even if they're still living at home they would have some privacy being adults.

My concern isn't so much whether it's bad for men as that it's bad for the people (especially the women) involved with making it. People talk about personal choice, but, without wanting to get into it too much here, some women are definitely hurt by it. A number of porn stars have spoken out about their experiences. http://fightthenewdrug.org/10-porn-stars-speak-openly-about-their-most-popular-scenes/

I've also read that watching porn while young can give teenagers a warped idea of what sex is and should be like, which is pretty much bad for everyone. There was an Aussie documentary I can't remember the name of at the moment where they interviewed a number of teenagers and found the boys were confused that the girls didn't like the things they had seen porn stars apparently enjoying and girls were upset that young men thought it was okay to try things like anal without consent. Melinda Tankhard Reist's book Big Porn Inc is a good one on this topic.
Great minds think alike - I think fightthenewdrug is a fabulous website. I don't know if you're familiar with Dr Gail Dines' work, but she's certainly a leader in the field worth looking at.

There is not a doubt in my mind that watching porn warps teens' views of sex. Even as an adult, I've had porn threaten my views. And, if we know that the standards promoted by the beauty industry affect girls as young as four, it would only make sense to admit that porn similarly affects teens' ideas, expectations and perceptions.
by Vee
I don't have kids, but if I did I wouldn't want them watching porn as adolescents. As adults, I don't feel I would have the right to enforce anything like that, even if they lived with me.
You may find this website interesting: http://fightthenewdrug.org/#sthash.cbIl3WTc.dpbs
by Vee
My daughter isn't an adolescent yet but I definitely won't be letting her watch porn. We don't have any in our house and I will never let that be the case if I have any control over it - for the same reasons Jennifer alluded to. I don't porn benefits anyone in any way.
by kimp
And I would argue that you are right. I don't know if you've done any research on the issue parks, but I have and I have also had the privilege of sharing with people their stories. This website may be of interest to you http://fightthenewdrug.org/#sthash.cbIl3WTc.dpbs. Tony Lister also has some great resources.
by Vee
Crud, kimp, I'm sorry I thought you were parks.
by Vee
I'm one and the same Vee - just changed my profile name, that's all. :-) All good
by kimp
Oh! What a coincidence you changed it as I was replying. Imagine my confusion, lol!
by Vee
I think it would be hard to know if one's adult children were doing such a thing.Even with an adolescent.
I have 3 sons, and have never had any problems...never found anything like porn in their rooms or the like.

It is quite correct, Porn has potentially devastating effects for men, and it would NOT be allowed in my home, what-so-ever.

I have spoken to men who would like to be set free of it's grips...because their lives have changed for the worst.


Do I allow it? It's probably the ONLY thing I have a flat out ban on actually.

I don't ban it because it's damaging to my children though (although that is one reason) I ban it because it's one of the leading causes of human trafficking.
I also want to add that studies showing that men aren't harmed by porn are garbage. What the ACTUAL evidence shows is that viewing porn frequently leads to viewing more violent porn, and eventually child porn. So that's one way it's harming men ..... but who the hell cares if it harms men!? What about the WOMEN who are slaves, the women who are bought and sold by the pornographers?
by meggf
No doubt the claims you have made are true and devastating meggf, but let's be real: what average guy or girl is really going to be thinking about the women and children trafficked and brutalized for their viewing pleasure? I'm going to take a gamble and say not many, so let's give them something closer to home: viewing porn can and often does lead to sexual dysfunction. I know men who cannot complete the sex act with the women in their lives because they have become so desensitized by porn that being with a real woman doesn't cut it anymore. I think that's tragic when you think about the women who are robbed of the intimacy and love they deserve, and the children whose parents are torn apart by porn. Porn kills love, and it also kills your ability to make it.
by Vee
I have little ones so the issue has not come up in a major way. I think when the time has come we will have to talk about it. Its not a matter of if but when they will see it. I dont think I can dictate that they not partake but I hope that they would be able to resist the lure when it presents itself.
by Gia
I donlt have adolexcent children but if I did they would not be allowed to view pornography. They could wait until adulthood to choose to do this or not.
I think education is what is needed not "permission". When we raise our children with the value which respects the rights of others then they will see pornography in a different light. They then can make an informed choice based on their values. Education, information, communication throughout a lifetime will leave then well equipped to make these decisions.
I don't have adolescent or adult children at home. If I did have them and they were LIVING in my house, and they were watching it, then they would have to be very careful in ensuring that I didn't see it. If I came upon it, accidentally say, when cleaning a bedroom (out of the goodness of my heart) - I would be offended and have to remove it, say out of sight….out a window or over a back fence or something similar.
I no longer have adolescent children however I would not "allow" them if I did -but then again, they see and hear things at school anyway.so perhaps "allow" is not the correct word!
by Finy
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