Depends on the person doing the picking. I pick with my heart, but I'm sure logic and reasoning come into it when you're looking at marriage. You have to make sure that a person is going to be a good partner long-term, but you also need to be in love with them to want to be with them, I think.
I have always picked with my heart in the past and it has never worked out....I believe there is an element luck involved after a time in relationships...once the inevitable subsiding of 'chemical passion' happens I think some folk are lucky when they discover their personalities and values are such that they get on and stay together. (I have had a much more interesting life than them however I believe!)
To me..what you said was not a disagreement to what I said, just an addition to the subject! I did not say it wasn't 'nice' to be in a longstanding relationship...great if that is how it works out, obviously we would all probably have hoped for this...ciaou
I kind of agree with your reference to "chemical passion". If we're talking life-partner, my uncle always used to say "choose someone you can live with, not without" because the latter is usually based on an infatuation that eventually dies down because it is typically based on emotional feelings that change over time. Once it dies down, if it isn't someone you "can live with", well, obviously it ain't going to last... They need to be able to stick at it with you through thick and thin, and the chemical passion side of things typically doesn't consider the scenario where everything goes pear-shaped - which is what REALLY tests your compatibility as friends/companions/life-mates. He seems to have been right in my observations...
Yes - the obvious attraction is psychological and also emotional. It is a beautiful feeling, but you always need to complement it with the logistics - is he/she the right one to date/get together with/marry, are they stable - emotionally, mentally, financially, is this good for me and my current lifestyle, what's their lifestyle like, etc.
In my country, India, arranged marriages are common and it was for me too. My husband was chosen by my parents and me by his parents. For us it is important that the families too gel well. My husband and I had got only 10 minutes to decide, in which I dunno how we said yes. Frankly, I had always made wrong choices (with heart) previously and finally told my parents 'I will marry whoever you pick'.
In a month, we were engaged and married a month later. But somehow we clicked together like 'match made in heaven'!
We starting living together and gradually loving each other. All the elements to keep the marriage are there and whatever is not we both make peace with it together. Touch wood!