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Are love marriages better than arranged marriages?

by Sharmila Jayasinghe (follow)
Life (381)      Relationships (204)      Love (84)     


Do you think love marriages are better than arranged marriages or vice versa?

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That is a difficult question as I have always believed that love marriages work best.

Having now befriended some people from other countries, where they believe in arranged marriages, I am not so sure, as often they work out beautifully.

I think it all depends on the individual people though I think that marrying initially for love is somehow still the best as then if it does not work, the people can only blame themselves, and not others!
by Finy
I don't believe we can compair(one with the other).
Both are so different, and the people who go into arranged marriages, may not be fully 'western'.
I tend to think arranged is slightly better for a few reasons.I married for love twice, and both failed over the years.
This is a very hard question to give a really good answer.
It all depends on the two people involved, their lives, family, culture...
A love marriage has to be better than an arranged marriage for several reasons:

1. The two people love each other.
2. The marriage is your decision.
3. It is not something you have been forced into.
4. A sexual relationship is less awkward.

I can't see how an arranged marriage can ever be a good thing. I know that a lot of couples in arranged marriages love each other very much, and are very happy together, but the forced means by which they entered that relationship is still wrong because it takes away their autonomy and freedom as an individual. They shouldn't be forced into something by someone else, such as a parent/family member.
I don't have enough experience with arranged marriage to know. I have had one friend who was the product of an arranged marriage, and he said the advantage was that they went into it knowing they had to get to know each other and make it work, and perhaps if more went into a love marriage with the same attitude they could have the same success. Personally, I would prefer to pick my own marriage partner, but that is the cultural norm where I live so I am biased.

Each with their own sets of pros and cons:
Arranged marriages - you don't know much about your other half, they're more like a mystery (which is a turn on for me, but you never know?)
Love marriages - you know exactly what you're getting yourself into, and that could either lead to a successful marriage full of love, happiness and joy, or could turn sour if things have been rocky from the very beginning.
To some extent marriages were always arranged. People lived in communities and partners were introduced, chosen, arranged, bought, pick-out and even contracted for you depending on what was the social and cultural thing to do. It's not until more recent history where people have waited for love, and even gone against the expected trend and not married.
But, it seems that increasingly the key difference is the ability to leave a marriage. Marriage was meant to be a life long partnership. A commitment that could not be broken even for abuse and lack of love.
So if you live in a culture where you are married unwillingly or without knowing your partner, then you still have the choice how to live with that person.
Many arranged marriages have developed into wonderful life bonds, and many love marriages have endured abuse and regret.
Still, I think there is a better chance of success if the union is based on both partners choosing willingly, and that works best with love.
This is indeed a tough question to answer. Statistics indicate the arranged marriages have a higher rate of success. However, as was said several time before, it all comes down to the individuals involved. Arranged marriages have been compared to a cold tea getting hot while love marriages have been compared to a warn tea getting cold.

No matter which you find yourself in, respect, communication and commitment are key.
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